The List of "the best" Up-Tempo music

Better Homes & Gardens Magazine
(Facebook Survey) (April 2012 Issue)
Best On-Tempo Music


Walking on Sunshine - Katrina & the Waves
Rolling in the Deep - Adele
Everlong - Foo Fighters
SexyBack (clean version) - Justin Timberlake
Girls Just Want to Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
My Body - Young the Giant
Good Feeling - Flo Rida
Legs - ZZ Top
Send Me on My Way - Rusted Root
Hips Don't Lie - Katy Perry
I Ain't No Quitter - Shania Twain


What are your favorites?

Out of the silence....

How can I possibly catch ya'll up on the last 2+ weeks?!  I haven't gone this long without blogging since I started back in July.  Aye.  I am (and have been) at a WL stall.  I'm 5 lbs away from my next goal (Onederland!) and have been for weeks.  It sucks, but I'm making changes to get back to where I need to be.


Here are some excuses reasons for the weight issue:
-switched to a different birth control pill with a different amount of hormones.  it's fun to have your period every other day. NOT.
-decreased my Zoloft slightly (pure hell)
-things are progressing nicely with Mr. X. He's supportive and wonderful.
-started counseling for my saggy ass poor self image issues
-I've been happy eating.  I've been sad eating.  Basically, I started using food to deal with emotions again.  DOH!  
-I've been dining out more with Mr. X. 


Here are some recent pictures (check out my arm jiggle in the bathroom one, ICK!!)  I'm wearing tons of shapewear in these photos.  So uncomfortable, but the only way I can get pants to fit due to the loose belly flab.

with parents

at Spring Training game

NSV - I shopped off of the normal rack today!

The yellow tags were half off.  Wooooooooo!

What size am I?  I have no earthly idea. What I do know is that I have about triple the amount of clothing in my donate pile than I do in my "currently fits" pile.  I realized that Mr. X had seen me in every single shirt that I own that fits (umm....5?), so today was a trip to Goodwill.  I love Goodwill. I was armed with my 20% off the entire purchase coupon.  Someone stop me.


I've never bought clothing there...but I was able to buy some nifty stuff today.  Pants are still proving to be difficult.  I'm wearing 18's, but they just don't fit correctly due to the tummy blob that never moves.  The tummy is tight and the butt is baggy.  Shirts are x-large usually, but kind of depends.  Last July, my clothing was a 3x (or 26/28).  Now essentially a size 18. 

Monthly Weight Loss

Down 7 pounds in February.  Still inching my way down to the -100 mark.  

A streetcar named desire....a train wreck named Amy....

I almost ended things with Mr. X earlier this week.  Why?  He's too nice.


Yeah, I said he's too nice.  How screwed up am I?  He's too considerate.  Too thoughtful.  Too understanding.  It makes me want to run away.  Mr. X, why must you torment my brain this way?  


I'm not used to this.  I'm used to dating guys that confuse me, upset me or otherwise aren't good matches.  Really.  This is strange.  He compliments me (he knows I'm embarrassed and I have a hard time accepting the compliment).  He says he won't stop because I deserve it and I need to hear it.  Shit.  Honesty is great, but aye...I'm having to deal with a lot of body image issues.  Last weekend at the botanical gardens, he asked to take a picture of me in front of some plants.  It pained me to stand there - I knew he was taking a full body picture.  So, so far out of my comfort zone.


When he says something like, "I wonder what that beautiful head of yours is thinking," or "You look beautiful today," -- I kind of want to curl up and hide from Mr. X.  Part of me is still convinced that he's up to no good.  That he must be lying...there must be some reason that he's saying things like that.  I realize that these thoughts are totally irrational - hence, the counselor appointment last week.  I've only been once, but I'm hoping he can help me deal with how things have changed since I've lost 90+ pounds.   My first assignment from the counselor is to rent, "Shallow Hal."  The description says, "A shallow man falls in love with a 300 lb women because of her inner beauty."     Well...I'm far from the 300 lb woman I used to be, but I still feel like her....a lot. 


I'll never be 300 pounds again.  Ever.


I love blogging.  Even if no one reads this, I feel better just saying this stuff.  Hello Cyberspace, I'm a train wreck named Amy. Enjoy the ride.

Nothing Says, "I'm Totally Into You," like your date hurling twice!

Updates, bullet style, I'm just in that kind of mood!

3D glasses --- with the giant fireplace reflecting in them.  

• Mr. X and I have been on four dates total.  Things are going well.  I have no idea where this will lead, if anywhere, but I like the guy.  I guess it is mutual since Saturday's date was 12 hours long.  I'm trying not to think to too much about it.  When I do, I go batshit crazy.  Pardon the French.
• The second date with Mr. X was a disaster.  I got the directions wrong and puked twice at dinner.  The first was a, "holy crap, I have to puke NOW" kind of episode.  The second was about 10 minutes later when SAL rejected a strawberry and I felt like I swallowed a sponge and just "had" to puke it up because it was stuck.  I'm pretty savvy to the whole Lap Band thing, but dang, sometimes I don't listen to my body and SAL makes sure to let me know that I've screwed up.  Never.take.the.band.for.granted.
• I went to the counselor today.  Hopefully I'll learn some ways to deal with the self-image stuff that I've got going on.  Meanwhile, I bought more shapewear.  And MORE shapewear.  Sweet Jesus, my whole body is being compressed.
• Got a teenie fill today (+.10), and I think I'm going to be in the green zone for a while.
• Since Mr. X, I haven't been working out as much as I was before.  This must stop.  Mr. X cannot come before my own personal goals.  I suck at balancing. I'm not sure how to approach this.  Hmmm.
• I decided on my 100 pounds lost reward.  As of this morning, I have 5 pounds to go.  I'm not rewarding myself with food...but I'm going to find my inner skank and buy something sexy.  Not sure what, but I'm going to make SURE that it is way out of my comfort zone.  BAM! (sorry dad).
• Mr. X loves to compliment me.  I get totally embarrassed.  He recognizes this and tells me that he isn't going to stop saying it because it is true and that I need to hear it.  Aye.  Learn.to.accept.myself.
• Pants are a loose size 18, probably ready for 16's within the next two weeks or so. I bought a size 14/16 shirt last week.  MOTHER OF PEARL.  I have no idea when I last fit into a 14/16, but it wasn't in the current millennium for sure.  
• NSV's (non scale victories)
• my butt doesn't take up the whole movie seat!  there's space on both sides!
• I can join the movie club now because the t-shirt comes in my size
• I threw away popcorn at the theater!!  

More later this week, but thought I would do a little update :)

The First Date Report & Video of Me!

Here's the nervous video I made while on the way there!


A first date on V-day?  Yikes, talk about pressure!!!  I met Philip on a dating website (not my preferred way, but what the heck?).  We've been talking on the phone and decided to meet up tonight.  When he initially asked me out, it was to Benihana.  For those that don't know, it is an upscale (well, in my world it is upscale) restaurant that serves a lot of meat.  Are you seeing the problem here?  MEAT.  I have a Lap Band.  Being nervous or overly excited makes it constrict slightly....um...yeah.  Hard to make conversation when you're chewing a piece of meat for 90 seconds.  I politely talked my way out of Benihana and suggested Starbucks.


Starbucks went well, things were comfortable. He brought some roses for me (um, completely embarrassing in Starbucks...hehe).  During our conversation, I began to feel super guilty about turning him down for Benihana.  Anyway, I totally blabbed that I had a Lap Band.  I had previously told him that I'd recently lost weight and was on the road to better health because we were discussing that he is working on bettering himself as well.  I basically told him the truth, that I knew I'd be nervous and I wouldn't be able to eat as normally as I would've liked to.  


You know what?  He didn't care.  Not a single bit.  Not a question, judgement....nothing.  I told him that I try to log my food at least a few days a week.  And guess what?!  He got out his cellphone and displayed everything he had consumed that day.  Seriously.  It was awesome.  I had no idea.  He even logged the two chocolate chip cookies he eat before meeting me.  What a guy.


Following Starbucks we grabbed a light dinner at Rubios (kids meal quesadilla - I'm a cheap date!).  Not a single problem.  By this time it was about 8:45pm.  We noticed the restaurant clearing out, but then when it hit 9:00, we still saw people so we figured out it must be open until 10.  Dinner was great, conversation was great...then the Rubio's manager came over and told us that she really needed to lock up.  Our jaws dropped.  She let us sit there talking for 45 minutes after closing.  We were in the back of the restaurant by ourselves and couldn't really see the front.  She said, "Happy Valentine's Day, you two" - and after both Philip and I profusely apologized, we ended our date.  


So...that's my evening.  I promise no more date info...I just had to blog about my first date in 1 1/2 years and post band.  I'm back in the saddle, girls and boys.  And I like it.  Yeeeeehaaaaawwwwwwww!!