The Rant (originally written 6/28/11)

To all of those who have negatively influenced me to have this surgery (my rant).

-This is for you, high school bully, who I remember screaming, "Boom Baba! Boom Baba!" when I stood atop the high dive at the pool.
-This is for you, person in the airline seat next to me, who glared at my belly when he saw I was the person sitting next to him.
-This is for you, carnival attendant at the state fair, who told me I was too big for the ride and made me and my friend get off.
-This is for you, ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me when he discovered that he could not make me skinny.
-This is for you, friend, who distanced herself from me when I said I didn't want to eat out so much.
-This is for you, insurance, who denied me.
-This is for you, grade school friend, for saying, "I like not being the only fat one here."
-This is for you, Mom, for saying, "But you have such a pretty face..."
-This is for you, friend of a friend, who said, "You can ride shotgun. You need more room."
-This is for you, neighbor, for asking me when I was expecting.
-This is for you, medical assistant, for yelling out the exam room door, "I need the extra large blood pressure cuff!"
-This is for you, doctor's office, for having a super small gown that barely covered half of me.
-This is for you, employers, for judging me because of my weight. I know you did.

To all of you, you'll never read this, but in some twisted way, I thank you for your belittling comments, because without those, I'm not sure if I would be having surgery. Each comment was like a dagger in my heart. Sometimes I laughed your comments off, but I always thought about them later. Your comments made me angry enough to WANT to love myself, to WANT to change my life and to WANT to be a better person.

I don't want to be skinny. I never will be. But I WILL be healthy, and I WILL find Amy, and I WILL LOVE her.